The other day my friend Karrington and I were at a bookstore on Maple Street and I realized how well-read I am. I said something to that effect to her, and she made some snarky comment about how we were in the 6 and under section. This I can't deny, but I am well-read, I've read a lot of books. Everything from Gogol's The Overcoat (thanks for the downer, Uncle Ollie) to Rainbabies. The one genre I wholeheartedly avoid, though, is mystery. I admire mystery writers very much. I just dislike reading their work. Actually, I was required to read The Moonstone* in one of my English classes and I liked it. After I read the ending.
I think the lesson here is that I hate suspense. I enjoy movies far more if I know what's going to happen. Ask any of my friends. I always make them tell me the ending of whatever we watch, and if they don't I'll google the plot. Everyone I tell this to is usually appalled, and frankly I don't understand why. No one gets upset when I say I don't like horror movies, how is suspense any different? The last movie I saw I didn't look up the ending to and I wish I would've. I'll probably have to go see it again so I can enjoy it. (This is a true story. The movie was Country Strong, I won't go into details---all I'll say is that she wasn't so country strong in the end. I just never saw it coming, it was horrible.)
The point is I hate mysteries**, especially for one that has plagued me daily since the beginning of freshman year. It centers around the porn bike.
The porn bike is the classiest piece of two-wheeled transportation on Tulane's campus. It has those postcard size and smaller advertisements from the strip clubs on Bourbon plastered all over it. I mean all over it, top tube, bottom tube, the wheels look like discs because they overlap each other so much. And it is true smut...the legality of it all is pretty questionable. It sticks out like a sore thumb in the racks of Panama Jack edition Cruisers. Tulane is not a very well diversified campus, ask anyone. White, upper middle-class Americans are who you will find here.
So who rides the porn bike? This is the question I've been asking myself every morning for almost two years on my way to class. It has yet to be answered, and frankly the suspense is killing me. I wish I could google the ending but I've come to the realization that life isn't always like the movies.
*We've moved on to Gulliver's Travels in English. Swift...what a guy.
**In case you were wondering, surprises are different. Some surprises. Surprise parties are good, surprise visits are bad. Actually if you're planning anything just stay on the safe side and tell me.