Last night, my sister started laughing so hard during yoga class that tears streamed down her face. She was mostly silently laughing, but every time I glared over at her it was obvious that she had a bad case of the giggles. I was having a hard time balancing some blocks on my feet, which is--obviously--an impossible feat to begin with, and her laughter every time they came cascading down wasn't helping. But in the end I joined in, because what can I do? She's my sister, and this is the way we are. We make each other laugh, for no reason, other that we are together and it's the best thing. The only thing.
I don't write very often about my siblings because I don't know how. I can't tell you how much I love them, how deeply the bond runs. Every time I try it ends up feeling too shallow. Sometimes too serious. It's bigger than me, trying to capture both the levity and the gravity of how it feels to look into another person's face and see a reflection of my own, because the same blood that beats in my veins beats in theirs. Because we have been raised to belong to each other, does that make sense? We both are family and continue to choose each other as family, because we really like each other. That's maybe the most amazing part. We really enjoy one another's company.
My little sister was in town this past weekend, and in the hour before she left to get on a plane that will take her back to where she lives in Washington, we sat out on the lawn in the wet warmth of March sun and talked and laughed while throwing the ball for the dogs. It was nothing special. We were at my parents' house, on the lawn we've spent a hundred thousand hours on, doing the same exact thing. Except our lives are different now, maybe that's the thing. We don't live with each other anymore, and though this has been true for years, it's becoming more and more real that it will continue to be true for years. I used to think my dad was crazy for wanting to start a sort of family compound at the ranch, where we could all be neighbors, but maybe he was on to something.
Distance and love make time precious, is what I think I'm trying to say, and I'm only just now starting to realize how precious time with my siblings is becoming. Because now it's not a given, it's something we're actively forced to do. Find each other, make time for each other, now that we are forging our paths apart from one another. It's the way life is. But we were making ourselves laugh out on the lawn, that's why I brought it up. We just laughed, almost hysterically, drunk on the pleasure of the sun (finally) coming out, and at being together. At being in the presence of the people we've been having one long, unending conversation with since the very start of our lives. My people, I think. My people. I can't write us yet, but I'll keep trying. It's love worth putting down on paper.